Mr. Nobody

I didn’t really know how to write about you, I am not even sure if you’re worth any empathy, I shouldn’t think of you anymore, your memory isn’t something I look forward to remember, but I don’t hate you, No, hate is an overstatement, I don’t feel any of it, at all. You were an ungrateful prick, and it would be too unfair if I label you more than that, I am sure that you are possibly a good son, a brother, a friend, and I am not gonna take that credit away from you.

But how you treated me, was unacceptable, and I would like to give you the same level of courtesy. This is not an immature fit, or an act to get unwanted attention, No, I just needed to be me, I just needed to be the kind of person that I am, a person who is sentimental, reclusive, weird and unforgiving. I just wanted you to know that how you treated me made an enormous impact on my confidence, not just mentally but more on a physical aspect. I did not deserve that. No one deserves that.

Remember when you told me that I act like a guy? I dress like a guy, I talk like a guy, didn’t you know that maybe, I got more balls than you will ever have? Yes, you are a good-looking guy, hell, you were even part of a dance group, who wouldn’t swoon over that? I mean, a guy who’s got the looks, the dance moves, it was the perfect ruse to make the girls fall for you, but did you ever care about our feelings? Doesn’t being a guy mean being there when we are most vulnerable? Not to lure us and promise us pure love while giving the opposite. What good of a guy are you if you can’t respect our boundaries and foible? You were so fake that it didn’t take me a long time to figure you out, how you prey on a girl’s infirmity, how you had your way with words to get what you want, to have the upper hand, to prevail. I saw right through your mask, and I ripped it off before you got to me.

It wasn’t a real heartbreak though, I didn’t exactly cry for you, I shed a couple of tears just to console myself, but it was nothing to me, I had a crush on you and that was it, no connection has ever tied me to be so depressed and all. You were a piece of trash that I threw away, I get a laugh whenever I think about it, how immature you were, how insensitive you were, how stupid I was.

How have you been doing? Did you change your ways? Did you become a better person? Did you man up? Or are you still the same boy who manipulates girls according to his favor? I didn’t think so.

Star-crossed Lovers

Serenity: I felt a sudden moment of solace when you kissed me, the world crumbled below my defiance, my nerves jolted , my universe lost its course.

When you pulled me in, I felt another version of the world, I felt a different kind of defeat, something that I’ll never be able to reminisce, too terrifying, too wretched.

I’ll take a step away from you, until this feeling turn into a dull persistent ache, and maybe in another life, we could have a chance, we could happen, but until then, I need to get away from this madness…from you.

Poisonous fruit

For years I’ve kept this secret ensconced in the deepest part of my soul, underneath my darkest desire of revenge, creeping in every second of my hatred and disgust, crawling in my skin with malice and somber intentions. I was a captive of the past, a bitter past. And you were my curse, my nightmare, my anathema.

I knew from the moment I met you that you will eventually be a part of my endless heartache, and damn I wasn’t wrong, I was completely spot on, you were a chronic disease, you were my punishment, you made me hate myself, you made me hurt myself, you exasperated the devil in me, subdued my conscience, disturbed my most sardonic cogitation.

But you were so pretty, you were every man’s dreams, what am I compared to you? My physical appearance is a far cry from your fascinating-youthful beauty, I couldn’t compete with anything like that. And then the betrayal happened, my happiness has been jeopardized by the people I trusted the most, they all participated in the conspiracy that you created, I died, you were the death of me, every breath I take was a poison of your existence, I despise you for everything I had to feel, For everything I had to lose. You were a poisonous fruit, and I had a taste of your sin.

You broke me. You destroyed my life. You put a bullet to my head, you pulled the trigger of loathing, you made me hate, you turned me into an inferior monstrosity. You killed me. Over and over again.

Thankfully, I’ve moved on. We are both leading a normal life, you got married, I am equally blessed and happy with my life now, I get sad sometimes when I think about it but it doesn’t break me that much anymore, we are both adult now trying to make amends. I realised that hate doesn’t have a place in my heart anymore, I couldn’t tolerate any more of the burden. I don’t wanna be suffocated by the same aversion for the rest of my life, I refuse to be consumed by my past. We are free, free from guilt, from distrust, from everything that has been holding us for years.

She has been long forgiven. She is now a friend of mine. We are starting to know each other on a different light. I look forward to a future of friendship with her. Unforeseen? Absolutely. Possible? You bet.

Ben

Ben was not in the mood to work today, he was cowering in bed trying to find solace from the silence of his room, trying to keep himself from absolute obscurity, straining to forget about what happened yesterday. Yes, yesterday could be the worst ordeal he had to endure on his painful journey of emancipation, through years of abuse, of being a prisoner of his own character.

He sobbed like a small child, deprived of innocence and the right to choose, the right to love, the right to be his own self, the severity of his anguish is already boundless without adding a layer of guilt and decadence. He started crying. His tears of sadness and turmoil fell from his weary and defeated eyes, the little pride left on his scarred soul slowly disintegrated, vanishing with myriad of torment and secrecy.

So what if I have a heart of a woman?
I am human too.
Why can’t I be myself?
Why can’t I feel normal?
Why do I have to pretend?
Why do I have to hide?
Why do I have to be scared?
Why do I have to be humiliated?
Why can’t they see my heart?
My soul?
why do I have to be an outcast?
Am I a disease?
Am I an abomination?
Am I a curse?
Why?

He whispered between endless sobs. But there was no answer, not even a hint of rejuvenation or hope or pillar. The world didn’t answer. He received no answer. The world stayed silent and still, but it gave him a condescending smile, a look of disgust and scorn, a vague look of understanding. Ben screamed, he kicked and punched and clenched his teeth, for he knew , he knew what the world meant, he knew.

 

“Be yourself. Come out, but the moment you shut that closet door, we will show you what hell looks like, and boy, it’s going to be ugly, and you will never come out of it alive” –  The World.