Poisonous fruit

For years I’ve kept this secret ensconced in the deepest part of my soul, underneath my darkest desire of revenge, creeping in every second of my hatred and disgust, crawling in my skin with malice and somber intentions. I was a captive of the past, a bitter past. And you were my curse, my nightmare, my anathema.

I knew from the moment I met you that you will eventually be a part of my endless heartache, and damn I wasn’t wrong, I was completely spot on, you were a chronic disease, you were my punishment, you made me hate myself, you made me hurt myself, you exasperated the devil in me, subdued my conscience, disturbed my most sardonic cogitation.

But you were so pretty, you were every man’s dreams, what am I compared to you? My physical appearance is a far cry from your fascinating-youthful beauty, I couldn’t compete with anything like that. And then the betrayal happened, my happiness has been jeopardized by the people I trusted the most, they all participated in the conspiracy that you created, I died, you were the death of me, every breath I take was a poison of your existence, I despise you for everything I had to feel, For everything I had to lose. You were a poisonous fruit, and I had a taste of your sin.

You broke me. You destroyed my life. You put a bullet to my head, you pulled the trigger of loathing, you made me hate, you turned me into an inferior monstrosity. You killed me. Over and over again.

Thankfully, I’ve moved on. We are both leading a normal life, you got married, I am equally blessed and happy with my life now, I get sad sometimes when I think about it but it doesn’t break me that much anymore, we are both adult now trying to make amends. I realised that hate doesn’t have a place in my heart anymore, I couldn’t tolerate any more of the burden. I don’t wanna be suffocated by the same aversion for the rest of my life, I refuse to be consumed by my past. We are free, free from guilt, from distrust, from everything that has been holding us for years.

She has been long forgiven. She is now a friend of mine. We are starting to know each other on a different light. I look forward to a future of friendship with her. Unforeseen? Absolutely. Possible? You bet.

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40 Comments

    1. I was driven by hate. I don’t know if I every truly recovered, I guess something like this can’t be easily forgotten. I’m still having bad thoughts about this certain person, I’ve forgiven her, but I cannot fool my memory.

      Liked by 3 people

  1. Hi. For some reason, I was reading this on the point of view of a man who loved a woman..

    Only in the later lines did I realize it was more about friendship and betrayal. Am I right? Haha!

    Anyway.. if that is the case.. You’re wise to choose forgiveness, because it’s not for the other person.. it is to set yourself free from the negative emotions… the chains of the past. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha! I laughed so hard when I read your comment. Ha ha! Actually, I am a woman, and yes, Daniel was my inspiration, and I sounded a little extreme with this post, because my heart was so filled of rage and hate and disgust and wrath and you know, all the words that would perfectly describe hell,. so maybe that’s the reason why it appeared to be masculine, I mean, when a woman is mad, you better get out of her way or else – Hehehe.

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  2. Poisonous fruit are the only ones we plant within ourselves because no one can make us mad but ourselves, unless we give others control over us. This was such an emotional write lovely but it seems you are far beyond the author of this old article, you are much more now.🌹. It’s good that you have buried the past and made amends with the present to make the future better. You are awesome😉❤️🌹

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  3. Some people can inflict the deepest hurts on us and it’s so hard to forgive them for it, especially when it’s a betrayal. I’m glad you were able to move on and let go. This was such a powerfully written post, Ragazza. The emotions were intense. The rage. The frustration. The fear. Everything just pierced my heart.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You are so welcome, lovely! I missed you too! I’m doing pretty good. Just been calming down from all the holiday stuff and getting back to normal life. How are you? How’s the new year treating you so far? 😊

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