breaking free · fate · freedom · heartbreak · pain · tears


Ben was not in the mood to work today, he was cowering in bed trying to find solace from the silence of his room, trying to keep himself from absolute obscurity, straining to forget about what happened yesterday. Yes, yesterday could be the worst ordeal he had to endure on his painful journey of emancipation, through years of abuse, of being a prisoner of his own character.

He sobbed like a small child, deprived of innocence and the right to choose, the right to love, the right to be his own self, the severity of his anguish is already boundless without adding a layer of guilt and decadence. He started crying. His tears of sadness and turmoil fell from his weary and defeated eyes, the little pride left on his scarred soul slowly disintegrated, vanishing with myriad of torment and secrecy.

So what if I have a heart of a woman?
I am human too.
Why can’t I be myself?
Why can’t I feel normal?
Why do I have to pretend?
Why do I have to hide?
Why do I have to be scared?
Why do I have to be humiliated?
Why can’t they see my heart?
My soul?
why do I have to be an outcast?
Am I a disease?
Am I an abomination?
Am I a curse?

He whispered between endless sobs. But there was no answer, not even a hint of rejuvenation or hope or pillar. The world didn’t answer. He received no answer. The world stayed silent and still, but it gave him a condescending smile, a look of disgust and scorn, a vague look of understanding. Ben screamed, he kicked and punched and clenched his teeth, for he knew , he knew what the world meant, he knew.


“Be yourself. Come out, but the moment you shut that closet door, we will show you what hell looks like, and boy, it’s going to be ugly, and you will never come out of it alive” –  The World.

29 thoughts on “Ben

    1. I know. But I guess we have to accept the fact that not everyone can understand. I support equality, no matter what the gender or sexual preference of a person, we should always respect and give them a chance, they are still a part of this society and they never should be damned or annihilated. They deserve to be who they want to be. That for me is Freedom, to be who you want to be, as long as it makes you happy, and you’re not hurting other people, that is good enough for me.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. I’d like it more if being yourself were more shifted towards acceptance on the scales. It’s hard enough just living trying to put food on the table, now on top of that another force fraudulence? The cruel joke deepens


      2. Imagine how hard it is for someone to cover his true nature by pretending to be somebody else? To wear a suit of defense? To act according to what the world dictates, not according to his own desire? Who would survive such deprivation? Or does he ever truly live?


  1. To live a life buried in the shadows of ideas and expectations.. I know this pain like the backing my hand. Chained by the ankle repressing who you are and all you’ll ever be. It’s spirit breaking but I believe if he escaped the Barriers of his mind, he’d finally taste freedom.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. To not be oneself is to bury the “you” in sand and hope that the ants are not ravenous. “Normal”, as another friend wrote recently, is overrated. Far better, and more accurate, to be called “human”.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So what if I have a heart of a woman?
    I am human too.
    Why can’t I be myself?
    Why can’t I feel normal?

    Those lines right… I can so relate. Sometimes I know that my heart and brain is female; the way I think and relate to women; how they seem to be my only friends.

    This was an absolutely incredible read and I am so glad I saw this post. Thank you so much…

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I lost my job so I have my ups and downs but I am volunteering this week, I might join a writings group and I was offered a scholarship to finish my degree at school. So things are looking up


  4. Thank you…Beautifully…painfully put and yes it can be like that, my partner and I are approaching 35 years together and have had to endure hell several times from those that choose ignorance over truth…one day maybe, we will all accept each other as we are not as we are told to be by someone else !

    Liked by 1 person

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