La Douleur Exquise

Nothing will ever change the truth: You don’t love me. You never did and you never will.

It’s all a complete lie that I created to hide from the miserable hell that I am in. It’s a lie I chose to believe in, overtime, I practically thought it was real. I am trapped inside a web of fabricated delusion, a false reality that I tried to repudiate for years.

I kept holding on to something that was never there. I had faith and it blinded me. It clouded my judgment. It ruined me because I thought I could change it.  I thought that if I keep believing, then maybe, somehow, it could be real; that maybe, you could love me too. Because I love you so much. I love you more than any person could love another. I love you more than love itself and I want you to see that. I just want you to see me.

I am so lonely, deep, deep down, in my troubled heart. I am so lonely, because my heart wants something that you can never give: a piece of your heart. Just a little space in your heart would be enough to console my longing. I am not happy. I was never happy, knowing that I could never have you, knowing that the only reason you stay is because you need me; you don’t have a choice; I am just someone you need to get you where you want to go, and my role ends there.

Is it wrong to love somebody this much?

71 Comments

  1. At some point in life, everyone loved someone more than they should have. And when you love someone more than anything, and when you’re blinded by love, you’ll end up hurt and heart broken

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  2. No Regazza it’s not wrong. But as crislud said as well it can be terrible hurtful. Love can lead to heartbreaking. But what are without love? I personally believe that we need to dare to love, no natter the consequences. Without love we are all lost and lonely. So dont ever stop loving, but be cautios, take care of yourself and be strong enough to recover when heartbreaking occurs.

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    1. Yes. Although your heart has been broken, it shouldn’t stop you from believing in love, love is the most wonderful thing that God has given us, and we have to work for it, we don’t need to beg for it, because in God’s perfect grace, Love will always find a way to heal and mend any broken heart.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t think it’s wrong to love someone so much, but we need to balance it out with love for ourselves too. I mean, you can’t give everything you have and leave nothing for you.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. I love this way.. a couple of years ago before love gripped me, I never had any intentions to fall in love or get married. I was full of myself and on top of my game. Felt like I knew exactly what to do with my life until.. it happened. Love shattered my life into innumerable particles of dust. I can never put pack what once was, I can only start over.. it tough.

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    1. Yeah. But Love is still magical, and it’s the best gift that God has ever bestowed upon mankind, and I will never lose hope on Love, even if sometimes it hurts too much like hell, we have to always believe in it, because it’s the best feeling in the world, an emotion that no one could ever quite comprehend.

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  5. What is true love? For years and years I thought that true love was when two people loved eachother more than anyone else in the world. But life happened and got in the way of that view. Not all our love is always returned. Sometimes it is, and we feel like the chosen ones, sometimes it is not and we feel like something is wrong. Is it not true that if we love another as much as we can that they will also love us back? Can we not love someone enough for the pair of us; “You do not need to love me, because I have a lifetime of love for the both of us.”? These questions drove me crazy, because the answer was consistenly no. It felt like therefore also my love was worth less. Because true love is reciprocated love right?

    Recently I have come to the conclusion that it is not the case. True love does not need to be reciprocated to be true. I can love someone with all my heart and everything I have got and even then, when they would not feel the same, it does not devalue my love for them. I would imagine saying to the other person: “My love for you is not dependent on your love for me. I will allow you to bathe in the love I have for you. You are allowed to feel loved by me, even if I will not feel loved by you, because that is what keeps me whole. I will give you my love without asking anything in return, because that will keep me sane and that will keep me going. And one day, I trust (I have to trust) someone will love me that much too”.

    ‘Is it wrong to love somebody this much?’. I guess we have no choice.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. True love. I guess it’s everywhere, in every sincere person who we encounter everyday. For me, I’ve found my true love almost seven years ago, and I must say, it’ll only strike you once, just like lightning.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, I can’t know for sure, I can’t speak on behalf of the world’s population, you know, each of us have different representation of True Love, and I guess it varies, based on experience, years of being in a relationship with someone, or moving on from a screwed-up romance, different definition of Love and True Love. I guess, for me, I really hope that my lightning will last up until I take my last breath, I mean, my husband was my first Boyfriend, and I want it to stay that way.

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      2. Yes, I also think it varies from person to person. I was a bit confused by what you said before ‘I must say, it’ll only strike you once’, that was why I asked. How lovely to read about you and your husband 🙂

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  6. This is haunting and beautiful bringing a tear to my eye. We do not choose to love. It takes us on a journey we didn’t ask for to places we’ve never been and even when it hurts I hope that we are better for the giving of it, gaining strength in the letting go of what we want it to be. Take care, suzanne❤️

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Breaks are good. Lol. It’s great you’ve been with it so long. I’ve been rather quiet myself for the last few weeks. Mostly it’s good, a real pleasure. A little while back I began getting some odd attention that made me uneasy. And I didn’t realize how odd it was until it got really odd 😂. So I became self conscious and got quiet for a bit. But I really enjoy writing and WordPress is a nice way to share that.

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      2. A couple of followers became extremely attentive, so to speak. Following up with Lots of comments. Lots! They decided I was writing to and for them when I definitely wasn’t. It had me second guessing my choice of every word, which bugged me greatly. So I went quiet for a bit. I haven’t mentioned this anywhere on wp. I’ve considered writing it up. I suspect a lot of women especially would relate. Thanks for asking and for listening.

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  7. If love is and still blind, and you cant take it away from that which you still love. It means you know how to love and committ all the way. Does not matter, coz love is all you have to feel and makes you alive.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. At least when is love is blind, you care not to see, but if it bleeds u still feel all there is to it. But u have no more to bleed then u know u just die. Then the person knows that u did try.

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      2. Fair or unfair, that is what we have to choose for ourselves. It is a choice that we all must take a chance. Then if cant decide, then yes, It is blindness we adhere to.

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      3. Thing is though love is general in a sense, but when it is a narrowed feeling it is a beast of emotions that murders the hell out of u. Aint it grand?

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  8. When we love someone very strongly, he or she accompanies us in out thoughts, nearly every moment, yearning, like stretching out hands to feel and make the imagination alive when the one we love is not physically near – all our doing are controlled and live in this love. Yes, love can be very very strong and is in fact very beautiful: attention is focused on the beloved and all around is disappearing, fading away.

    Thanks for sharing my dear friend, Ragazza 🙂
    Have a good time
    Didi

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I loved my husband at least that much and he felt the same way about me but, that’s the thing about real love, it’s a two way street. If you try to hold onto someone that doesn’t love you, it can only bring you pain and heartache x

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    1. Thats the thing for me. I have loved like that so many times. This time in my 6 years marriage, it is very evident. And I am the one really suffering for everything.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. It’s never wrong to love, and there’s so such thing as loving to much. But it’s very important to love yourself enough to know that you’re worth being loved and not having to beg to be loved. If one must ask for love, the real question becomes is it really worth it? Because you’re worth more.🌹.

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      1. Hopefully she found the answer within, and your beauty shows for writing such a piece. Seeking answers for her heart, a wonderful soul you are.❤️

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      2. Me and Sparkling Sona, hahaha. My fingers are to my lips.🤫🌹. Unless you were just pointing out random beautiful souls, then yes, she is a beautiful beautiful soul. And I must thank you for that.😊

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      3. 🤔….hmm. Hahaha, I’ve always admired your sensitivity lovely😉🌹. Well, my fingers are still to my lips🤫, I don’t speak for the beautiful romantic writer🌹🌹, I just write with her.😏

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  11. Yes I think so, when it gets to the point, when love for yourself disappears. When we find no joy in the love we have for someone is gone…the love we have for them needs to return to us… just my humble thoughts on the matter.

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  12. I thought I had true love in my marriage, but that ended in divorce. But in the beginning, I do believe there was love. I have loved and lost in my lifetime, but I wouldn’t change any of the experiences for they made me grow in ways I wouldn’t have without them.

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