I was thirteen years old when I fell in love with Daniel Jacob Radcliffe, an English actor, and a famous one at that – the boy who lived, the chosen one – yes, Harry Potter – need I say more? So, it wasn’t just an infatuation or a childish admiration for a popular celebrity. It wasn’t a crush; it was nothing simple. I practically adored him. I wasn’t just a typical fan. I wasn’t some girl who simply wanted to get his autograph or take a picture of him, or scream his name on my sleep. No, I was actually weirder than that.
I was captivated by him in the simplest way, it was so simple, yet I cannot describe it. It felt somehow ordinary and yet, my heart can’t find the perfect adjective that would suffice to limn how I felt for him. He was my inspiration. I was just a little girl, clueless about love and emotions, and he taught me how to feel, how to lose my heart’s control and believe that someday, he’d know that I exist, that I could be a part of his world.
His world and mine could not possibly meet, but that didn’t stop me from thinking about him, from practicing the exact words that I would use if we ever had a chance to know each other. I didn’t need to talk to him personally, as impossible and foolish as it may seem, I talked to him in my own way, in my own creative solace. I wrote about him, I wrote to him. Through my writings, I was able to tell him about me, that I exist, that there’s a girl on another part of the planet who loved him and cared for him. I introduced him to my world. We were two travelers, walking through different paths of uncertainties and puzzles, and I believed that someday, our paths will cross and together; we could create new journeys of love and possibilities.
Every day, for the past four years of my life, I wrote to him. I wrote a book for him – a story untold; a story no one could ever comprehend how profound and emotional; my own version of happiness and serendipity. It was a book about faith and hope for an impossible love; it was a book about the other side of the equation; it was a book of promise. My promise.
And then it was nothing. It became nothing.
One morning, I woke up, feeling more agitated than usual. I looked to the right side of my room and there they are: my addiction, my obsession – Daniel had a special place in my room, from the walls, to the ceiling, to the wide side table, in every photo album, in every HP memorabilia, in every wallpaper, in every diary I ever kept, in every stationery, in every note, in every notebook. He was everywhere to me. And he was in my heart. But that day, I decided to just get rid of my hopeless dream, my luckless romance. I realised that I wasn’t a kid anymore, and that I needed to dispose of every negative thing that would deter my growth as a person. And a normal person wouldn’t fall in love with a picture on the wall, or a character in a movie, because it’s never going to be real. And if it’s not real, what do I live for? A fantasy? I wasn’t going to lose my sight of the real world for something that would keep me from it.
So I took my book, lit a couple of match sticks, grabbed a large metal basin, threw the book and I watched as it got consumed by the mighty fire of awakening, the flames slowly tearing it apart, burning every word that I had ever conceived, perishing every letter, every line, every feeling, every emotion, until it became nothing. Just ashes. Just gray particles, lying there, waiting to be forgotten. I cried. I cried a lot.
It was my first heartbreak.
They say that if you truly love someone and you let them go, their memory will always haunt you and hurt you until you find someone who will replace the emptiness, but when I let go of Daniel, I felt better. I will always remember him, after all, he was the reason I wanted to be a writer. I wanted him to know that I was different, so I wrote a book for him. I wrote a version of the world where I could be with him; where we’re both just normal people and that we could also fall in love; a world where no one would be unfair; a world with Daniel. It was all about Daniel, but I let it go. I burned the book, not because I don’t believe in dreams anymore, or fate or destiny, but because I learned that I have a life too. And Daniel will never be a part of that life. I was meant to be alive, not to fantasize or be trapped in a dimension of chimeras and magic.
Life is a magical journey. We meet trolls and monsters along the way. We see chaos and giants. We feel butterflies and heartaches. Nothing is going to be easy. No one is going to be fair, but just be yourself. Believe.
That is beautiful. Letting go is the most difficult thing you can do, but once you get the strength to do it, to let go of what, in the end, it’s not good for you, you will make room for better.
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Yes. I grew up. I matured, that’s why it was easier for me to break away from my obsession. Ha-ha. But Daniel will always be my inspiration, my 14 year-old self would be so upset if I deny that.
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That was lovely! I used to adore both him and Rupert Grint, so I know how you feel!!!
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Ha-ha! We are both on the same level. I believe half of the world’s teenage population at the time were hooked with HP, and who wouldn’t right?
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This post is sooooooooo 😦
I also love HP and most specially,Daniel. But I cant let him go,yet. Hahaha! 🙂
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Ha ha! I didn’t let go of him, like I don’t want him anymore or anything. I still adore him as a person, not as a celebrity.
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Daniel never really made my list by Clark Kent sure did!
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To each his own. Ha ha
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Ohh those Daniel Radcliffe days! 1st grade to 8th grade ❤❤
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Yes. Haha. He was my first love I guess.
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Yep, almost. Suddenly all my passion disappeared since 8th grade. I was watching the woman in black few days back….. What’s left is adoration and nostalgia. Did you watch December Boys?
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I did, I was so mad at the leading lady of Daniel, I forgot her name. I was jealous, really. HAHA!
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Dan got engaged recently. Well lemme just say that his choice isn’t really the greatest 😜😜
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For real? And I said I’d be his wife, guess some dreams just can’t come true. Ha ha
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Well being his wife seemed like a very probable thing at some point of time lol😂😂
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Not for me. Haha. It was just a hopeless dream.
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Yeah that’s what I meant lol Kids can be truly amazing with the things they day dream about 😊😊
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Yes. But I admire my old-self, full of life, full of hope. I was someone who could achieve anything if I put my heart to it, I don’t know where that girl went, she totally bailed on me. 😦
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Well things move on!😣😣
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I still adore him, but I’ve accepted the fact that he’s just an elusive dream. He he
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Yes, all those years, he made up the dreams…..truck load of day dreams, situations that would never happen. But things are more grounded now 😊😊
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Yes. He became an inspiration to me, when I was younger, I really wanted to meet him, see him, let him know that there’s a little girl who loves him more than just a celebrity, but his own person. I guess, he will never know about it.
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One of my friends actually wrote to him and got a reply. Along with a signed photograph. It was crazy. Just imagine to actually get something touched by him lol 😂😂
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Yes. That would really be awesome at the time, I would totally go crazy over that. Ha ha. He’s still gorgeous as ever.
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I also wanted to write to him and even prepared a set of questions. But somehow that never happened.
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I wrote a boom about him. Ha ha. Everything that he made me feel. But it’s just memories now.
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If you still have those writings reading them now should feel really nice and funny ☺☺
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I burned all of it. Ha ha. Something I truly regret.
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That’s sad!😌😌
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😂😂😂 I just read this. Daniel Radcliffe?? I was pretty infatuated with zac effron at thirteen… I’m telling you… I was the ultimate fan girl… But now… I guess like you I learnt to let go. But I think watching the greatest showman got me falling back to my infatuations. Hehe 😀
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Awwww. Hahaha. Zac was stunning, he changed a little, matured. I am so happy I got someone who had the same experience with famous celebrity. Haha
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Hmm, is that the very 1st blog post? So soon you will celebrate a 2-year anniversary?
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Yes. This year. Ha ha. This is not her very first blog post, this is her first award nomination. 🙂
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Oh my Dear , That is such a true real story. It sums up every love a young person dreams of. I am glad I have found your blog. I think we should be friends. ‘my hopeless dream, my luckless romance.’ That is good. It is clever and concise.
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Ha ha. Yes. My luckless romance, indeed. 🙂
Sure. That’s one of the purpose of my blog, to gain more friends. 🙂
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This is so heartbreaking, and though you wrote it years ago, I want to say that this caught up my emotion.
I could cry while reading every words.
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Awww. Thank you so much for reading this. Yes, I wrote this when I started my blog. This is actually one of my favourite writings. It’s like an experience that I want to share. 🙂
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Thanks for sharing because this is something that lots of people could and can relate. 😀
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Thank you so much. Hey, I nominated you for an award. I’ll be posting it in a few minutes. 🙂
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Oh my!
I can’t believe it!
Nomination is one of my dreams in blogging and I’m glad to know that I’ll be nominated for the first time.
Thanks a lot and I don’t know what to say. 😊😀
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Ha ha. It’s finished. You can check it out on the feed. I already posted the award. 🙂
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😀😀 I’m super excited
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I don’t see a like button on here so I’ll comment with a thumbs up. 👍
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Ha ha. Thank you for reading this. How are you today?
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I’m stable thanks and you
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True..i too had crush on reel life hero..and i can so relate to what you said.. and then senses awaken ,,, and put end to it….we are evolving i can say
…
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Aww. You’re right. I outgrown my feelings for him but I think about him sometimes. Ha ha!
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thinking sometimes…and thinking about it always huge difference..you have outgrown really
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Yes. I still admire him, but not like how I used to before. 😊
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One of my favourite 😊👍
Nice post👌 thanks for sharing 👍
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Hey. Thank you for reading, I am feeling a little bit old so I had to re-post one of my writings, this is the closest one to my heart. 🙂
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That’s a good thing 👍 always share the things you love most😊👌
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Nice work. It sounds vaguely familiar to be chasing some imagination that is not there, but eventually we grow up. Sounds like a religion 🙂
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Yes. I grew up. That’s the best thing about it, when we were young, we thought our world would revolve around one single person, and time changes that.
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You know, normally I don’t comment but this is quite moving. I think the more extreme the love is the more real it really is. But this life is about letting go and I am glad you got around to it. Amazing post!
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Aw. That is an honor for me, dear. I am glad it pushed you to leave a comment. It was a childish dream, and I clung to it, for a while.
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🙂
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I’m happy for you dear. Yes i believe it was hard for you.
Well i loved the character, not the real person. So it was easier for me. And i was so sad as the last book ended. But i had a crush later on an Indian actor till i discovered that i would never meet him either. So….. now we’re big girls. Life must go on
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Yes. We’re big girls, we’ve grown, people and feelings change. I still adore, Daniel, but just not the same like I did when I was young, 🙂
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👍
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I too had to let go. It’s hard. The moment you realise that you can’t live with the person you want is quite painful. In my case we both knew we can’t be together. So that was more painful. True love we had.
You write so well that you made me remember my letting go. Thank you so much for sharing this post.
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Wow, incredible and very powerful….the traps and pitfalls of fame, celebrity and our hopeless romantic notions of meeting a movie star and living in their world…for the majority of us its never going to be as we like our privacy too much…being somewhat anonymous gives a person more freedom in this world. Keep writing in the beautifully emotive way you do !
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Aww. This is truly motivating, dear. Thank you for reading my sentiments, after all, celebrities are normal people too. I am thankful because Daniel was such an inspiration to me.
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👏😊
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Great !!
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Awww…. sad that the book is gone forever
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Beautiful .
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You have passed a great message. Life is not fantasy. Life is real.😃
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It’s a turning point to every writer, whenever he encounters his/er inner emotions..
You see that Daniel was your inspiration.. it really wasn’t. It was your (self).
Once you were familiar with these new feelings you started to see things differently.. write about things differently.. your emotions inspired you..
It’s not about anyone else..
Many people fall in and out of love every day but not everyone “write a book” ..making an art of it.. cause you’re different.. writers are different.. they just love way too much for anyone to care..
So you have to see that you’re the true inspire to yourself..
That’s why writers are better with emotions.. they see that they’re like a muse.. giving them clues on how to write.. on how to comprehend other people’s minds.
Really enjoyed your story😄
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Moving on. Almost always easier said than done
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Very nicely put
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Hey, Ej. Thank you so much for reading. 🙂
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Penned well
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Wow! what a story! and what a turn around. It’s quite impressive. that last paragraph you wrote is perfectly beautiful.
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Hey, candy. Thank you so much for reading, this is quite long. 😂😂😂
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But I can tell you put your heart into it.
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OMG ! That was powerful. It’s ok you’ll find someone BETTER
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I found him already. Haha. 😂
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Daniel Radcliffe is quite an ordinarily looking guy. You can meet same or better looking guys walking around in London or anywhere in the UK. However he brought to life (and well) a character who many found inspirational. And on the way to ourselves we first need someone else 😉 I am older than you, for me it was Fox Mulder (X Files).
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Ha ha ha. He is? He’s really something though. 🙂
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