Diabolus

We all have secrets. We all have something to hide, something to protect about ourselves, something unacceptable. We all have sins. We all have different faces behind closed door, a face we don’t want other people to see, a face we keep to vindicate our hidden iniquities, a face we can’t afford to lose. 

I did a terrible thing to someone in the past. My evil self did a terrible thing. I am not asking for sympathy, I am not going to justify my actions and make excuses. I was hurt. I was damaged. I was broken, and someone had to pay for that, Right? Isn’t that how it works? My evil self couldn’t sit around and just cry over something unforgivable, my evil self had to do something. My evil self didn’t sit well with betrayal and she brought misery to that person. That person. 

In order for you to truly destroy someone, you have to know their weakness, and you have to know how to properly use it against them, how to execute the most painful blow, how to bring down the roof of suffering over their head, how to make them wish they weren’t born, you have to terrorize them in their sleep, hell, you have to make sure they’re not getting some, you have to make their life a living hell, you have to make their world crumble. I made her feel that way, I made her feel a lot of things, but those weren’t enough for me, I wanted more, I wanted to do more, my evil self wasn’t satisfied, if I was gonna wreck someone, I had to make it public, I needed an audience, I needed her to feel the wrath and humiliation of the people around her. She was pathetic and it was because of me. 
I enjoyed every moment of it. I didn’t feel any guilt, my evil self didn’t feel any penitence or rue. I was proud. Many people would look at me with disdain, they would have an opinion full of scorn, they would hate me. I don’t care. I wouldn’t let anyone betray me and then get away with it. My evil self couldn’t.​

12 Comments

  1. I think it’s a common thing that we affect others in a wrong way. But learning from it and never repeating it is what matters. I’m glad I experienced such stuff at a small age. I’m mature enough to not do such things from now which can be a life savior from now.

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  2. This was relatable for me on so many levels. I can be a really nice person but if someone manages to piss me off, they’ve definitely unleashed the devil. But it’s not that easy to push me to my limits. I’ve lost my shit like just once so far and I didn’t feel even an ounce of guilt. It’s amazing that you could write so honestly about something like this.

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      1. I don’t know about that because I don’t know your story but I do know that holding onto anger does far more damage to you than the person that your anger is aimed at. I hope you can find some way to let go of this betrayal and find some peace with whatever happened x

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