Jumong

 

He walked in like a sudden storm meant to make me astounded, like a fire I was drawn to him, he was wearing his college uniform, his hair uncombed as it seemed, fit perfectly with his lonely set of eyes and I only paid attention to him, I thought to myself; Who in their right mind would go out in public without even fixing his hair? Him apparently, I was amused. He was weird and prosaic, but to me he was perfect.

 

He was the one I never had, he was the side of heaven that I wasn’t given the one chance to explore, he was an ocean of mystery, of undiscovered places, of different subtle emotions. I was a star he didn’t notice, an idea at the back of his mind he didn’t share.

 

I watched him fall in love with someone else, many times I wished it was me, it was me who’s keeping him up at night, or bringing colour to his existence and I could only wish, for he was only a wish, an impossible wish.

 

He is now a memory, a memory that I will forever reminisce with a sigh of wonder.

Poisonous fruit

For years I’ve kept this secret ensconced in the deepest part of my soul, underneath my darkest desire of revenge, creeping in every second of my hatred and disgust, crawling in my skin with malice and somber intentions. I was a captive of the past, a bitter past. And you were my curse, my nightmare, my anathema.

I knew from the moment I met you that you will eventually be a part of my endless heartache, and damn I wasn’t wrong, I was completely spot on, you were a chronic disease, you were my punishment, you made me hate myself, you made me hurt myself, you exasperated the devil in me, subdued my conscience, disturbed my most sardonic cogitation.

But you were so pretty, you were every man’s dreams, what am I compared to you? My physical appearance is a far cry from your fascinating-youthful beauty, I couldn’t compete with anything like that. And then the betrayal happened, my happiness has been jeopardized by the people I trusted the most, they all participated in the conspiracy that you created, I died, you were the death of me, every breath I take was a poison of your existence, I despise you for everything I had to feel, For everything I had to lose. You were a poisonous fruit, and I had a taste of your sin.

You broke me. You destroyed my life. You put a bullet to my head, you pulled the trigger of loathing, you made me hate, you turned me into an inferior monstrosity. You killed me. Over and over again.

Thankfully, I’ve moved on. We are both leading a normal life, you got married, I am equally blessed and happy with my life now, I get sad sometimes when I think about it but it doesn’t break me that much anymore, we are both adult now trying to make amends. I realised that hate doesn’t have a place in my heart anymore, I couldn’t tolerate any more of the burden. I don’t wanna be suffocated by the same aversion for the rest of my life, I refuse to be consumed by my past. We are free, free from guilt, from distrust, from everything that has been holding us for years.

She has been long forgiven. She is now a friend of mine. We are starting to know each other on a different light. I look forward to a future of friendship with her. Unforeseen? Absolutely. Possible? You bet.